I'm crying hysterically....

But not for the reason you may think. I just read the funniest thing I've read in a long time and I thought I'd share...

*This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.*

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Scattergories

I've done this on Myspace before but I'll do this one here:
This is scattergories. You take the first letter of your name and answer the following:

What is your name....................Jessica
4 Letter word........................Just
Vehicle..............................Jaguar
City.................................Jacksonville
Boy Name.............................James
Girl Name............................Jennifer
Alcoholic Drink......................Jose Cuervo
Occupation...........................Janitor
Something you wear...................Jacket
Celebrity............................Jenna Jamison
Food.................................Jalapeno
Something found in a bathroom........Jewelry
Reason for being late................Jumped someone's car for them
Cartoon Character....................Jessica Rabbit
Something you shout..................JESUS! Ok, you shouldn't but people do.
Animal...............................Jack rabbit
Body part............................Joint
Word to describe you.................Just (yes, as in fair)

Prayer For The Day

Today my daily parenting Prayer book reads:

"Lord, thank You that I can partner with You in raising my child and that I don't have to do it alone. I'm greatful that I can have clear directions from Your Word and wisdom as I pray to You for answers."

Reflection:

I don't think I pray enough to God regarding the upbringing of my children so therefore Im not hearing any answers. This is a time when I'm in desperate need of answers. My daughter is teething so she's fussy all the time. My 2 year old son is VERY 2 at the moment and has been extremely defiant on purpose lately. AND, my 6 year old is struggling in school and at the same time having a power struggle with my 2 year old.

I'm honestly starting to believe having children is a lot like juggling. One: super easy. It's very easy to keep your eye on one ball. Two: a little tougher. On a good day, with good concentration you can do well with 2, even though sometimes you may drop the ball. Three: you have to have talent and LOTS of practice. I am VERY much still in practice mode, but I feel like one day I may get the hang of it!

My challenge to you: Work full time, keep a 3000sf house clean, keep your spouse happy 90% of the time....all while juggling 3 balls!

What Holiday Are You?

I've decided on weekends I'm going to post 1 or 2 random answers to surveys I've taken so you can get to know me. These are fun and often tell the truth about you!

The first quiz I took was...what holiday are you? The answer fits me to a tee!...

You Are Christmas

More than most people, you are able to find magic in life's small moments. Traditions mean a lot to you, and you tend to be quite nostalgic. You are a giving, kind person who really understands the true meaning of holidays. You inspire others to be as altruistic and caring as you are. What makes you celebrate: Tradition and a generous spirit At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The storyteller. You like to recount memories with everyone. On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: Give a gift to everyone you know

What Holiday Are You?

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

Sorry it's been almost a week since I last posted on here. I've had a different focus lately that takes precedence over blogging about trivial things. I've started to blog about my journey into weight loss. Within 2 days time it went from being something I was just moved to do, do a doctor's order. I suppose it is better off in the long run that I was moved to do it first though, now hopefully I'll have more than an order to do it, I'll have the drive I need inside me.

Nothing too much new going on in the world of me. My 2 sons have been absolute terror the last week or two and so it's amusing my husband has been calling me about 5-6pm every day just to make sure I haven't killed them or myself. I've also been trying to leave my baby girl with the babysitter a little more often so she can get used to being near someone else and not get so upset when I put her down for 2 seconds. I know I've spoiled her since she was born, but honestly it's ok. The boys never took to me like she has so it really means a lot.

Let's see, what else? I still hate my 9-5 and have really been focusing a lot of time lately into getting my life set up so that when my 83 year old boss finally retires, I can do something to where I can stay home more often and bring in the same income. I think between my jewelry and pampered chef and a part time job so I can get out of the house for my sanity, I can do it.

On a humerous note...my cat has turned into a dog. He meow's very loudly when he wants to be let outside and then he patiently sits by the door pawing the window when he wants to be let in. The other weekend someone on my street was having a yard sale and so I walked down there to see what they were selling. The cat followed me all the way down there and then as I was looking he sat at the end of their drive way waiting for me and then followed me back. When I got to give him food he actually leaps off of all 4 legs straight in the air.

Here's to another crazy day!

And the pain sets in...

I'm sitting here so badly waiting for my pain to pass in hopes that I can get rid of it enough to be able to take myself to church. These are the days I sit here and wonder, "Why did I have my back surgury?"

Friday night I called the babysitter and treated myself to a manicure and pedicure. I've been under a lot of stress these last couple weeks and I was really feeling it on Friday. Both manicure and pedicure come with awesome massages and the pedicure is fantastic because you get to sit in the massage chair, which is fantastic because it feels very real. I think that's what did it though. I had turned up the intensity a little this time and I think it may have been too much for me. But why am I only feeling it 2 days later? Weird. Anyway, they added a new treatment to the pedicure section. You now get the paraffin treatment which inclues and extra leg massage. It felt WONDERFUL. AND as I was leaving, they brought in a new wine cooler and informed me that next time I come in, they'll be offering wine to everyone! YEAY! They are truly awesome in there. The salon name is VIP Nails and they are truly living up to their name, and they have some of the best prices.

Well, I guess if this pain doesnt go away I'm going to watch Mass on TV. I took a pill but now if the pain does go away I may be a little too woozy to drive myself anywhere.

Guess this gives me something else to pray about...Have a great Sunday!

Valentine's Day ... New male bonding ritual??

With this blog, my intent is to talk about my experience...not nesessarily to lump all guys into this amusing stereotype.

So, it's Valentines day, and I got the babysitter to come over because I thought I would run to the local Publix and pick up ingredients for my husband's favorite meal and grab him a Valentines card from me and the kids, since I hadn't had time to do so earlier in the week. I'm not big into the whole Valentines thing...some times I do things, other times I don't, and I never expect to get anything. I think that's just rediculous behavior for a Hallmark Holiday anyway.

So, I get to Publix, and honest to God, it's more packed than it was when I went on the days before Thanksgiving and Christmas! I had to park all the way in the back of the lot even! Two out of three of every person coming out of the store was a man carrying some type of gift, ie: flowers or candy.

I'm in the store now and there are literally men walking around with these confused looks on their faces, as if they've never been inside a grocery store before. There were men talking to themselves as well. I over heard one man saying to himself, "No, if I get that I'll be on the couch." Are you SERIOUS?? Do some of you women out there put that much pressure on your man for a stupid holiday??

At any rate, I go and do my shopping and get over to the card section where there is literally 5 people standing in front of a rack of cards that probably had 15 cards left on it. It looked like a tornado had blown through only one section of the store...the Valentine's Day card section! So I'm standing there looking at the cards with the 5 other people and I saw groups of about 10 more people coming from each end of the isle, so I basically grabbed my cards and ran before I was attacked!

I go to check out, and that was ok, and I head out to my car. I of course, happen to be walking behind 2 (approx 45+ year old) men. They happen to be parked right next to me and suddenly I overhear, "Hank, them are some nice flowers you got there!" and the other says, "You got nice ones too, we did good buddy!"..."Well, I have to get home and give these to the wife before she kills me."...."Ok, see you next year buddy!"

OK OK....let's break this down. 1: Here we have two grown men in the parking lot congratulating themselves on a job well done...when all they did was buy pre-packaged flowers from a grocery store ON Valentine's day! 2: Are there wives out there who would freak out if they're husband's didn't come home with a gift on Valentine's day?? SHAME on you ladies! Do you really need a fake love fest day to feel good about yourself?? What's wrong with just having a celebration on your anniversary!? 3. See you next year buddy!? Is this time kind of new male bonding ritual? Go out ON Valentine's day with your buddy to the local grocery store and pick out the cheapest pre-made bunch of flowers, in a color your wife probably doesnt even like, and then congratulate each other in the grocery store parking lot?? C'MON! Are you serious? Don't get me wrong, its cute, but kind of disturbing at the same time! LOL

Well, all this being said, my Valentines was great, BECAUSE I didn't expect anything, and I got more than I could've wanted. Hubby came home fairly early and was so greatful for me making his favorite dinner and then not nagging him that he wanted to watch the race he missed on TV, he came and held me and told me how much he loves me in a very sentimental and emotional way, which is something he in particular, has a tough time with.

Hope you all had the best Valentine's Day ever!

Throughout These 40 Days

The subject of religion is a difficult thing for me to discuss. I was baptised and raised Roman Catholic, but several times, when I felt as if my religion wasn't "Going My Way", I strayed from the Catholic church and tried to find myself in other religions. I have attended several different types of services: Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Southern Baptist, Non-Denominational, Presbeterian, etc. However, I never found what I was looking for in other churches, I always came back to the Catholic Church, still un-satisfied.

Wednesday night this week was Ash Wednesday in the Catholic Faith, and I suddenly felt a calling, if you will, to attend mass. Now, it's been a while since I have attended service. For the last year or so I've made excuses all centering around the fact that I have 3 kids and my husband works on Sundays sometimes, but when I really look back, that's exactly what they were...really poor excuses. So, with my faith somewhat waivering, I felt it rather odd that suddenly I felt this calling.

So, I decided to get the babysitter to watch my two youngest children, and I took my 6 year old son to mass with me. Now, we were running late (for the reason why, see 3 posts ago with my son's shaved head) and we got there just in time for the first reading to start. Service seemed to be going as I always remembered, so at this point I still wasn't really sure WHY I felt this calling so strongly.

The beginning readings were through, and because this was Ash Wednesday, it was time for the blessing and then receival of the ashes to start the Lenten season. My son and I went up to receive the ashes and sat back down and watched the rest of the congregation continue to follow suit. Just when everyone was seated and the priest brought the ashes back up onto the alter, something started to happen. Someone who had sat there seated the whole time stood up and walked up front. It reminded me of the time I spent in the non-denominational church and people walked up front, suddenly feeling the spirit, to be healed or saved. So, after that one person walked up front, there were others that followed. People from all over the congregation that hadn't gone up to get ashes were now getting up! The priest realized what was happening and took the ashes back down and blessed all those who were coming forward.

Suddenly, I realized why I was called to mass that night. I was absolutely moved. Here were people who were sitting there in silence, suddenly relizing their faith and despite any embarassment or fear of rejection, they grasped that feeling, took a leap of faith and walked up to receive their ashes. In 27 years of attending Catholic services, I never saw anything like this.

Whether these people will turn their leap of faith into a journey, I can't say. But it really made me think about my own faith and come to a harsh realization that it's time to make some changes. That moment, I realized that the faith and feelings I was looking for in a church, I was never going to find. Everything I needed to feel was inside me all this time. I think a lot of times people look to a church or a church leader to define their faith for them, and that's ok, but it's when they expect the church to MAKE them faithful, that's when they're going to find disappointment. That's where I found MY disappointment. I was looking for a church to MAKE me believe.

SO, sitting there in the pew and observing such a beautiful thing made me aware of what I feel. I believe in God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I am a happy member of the Catholic Faith. My belief in the Catholic church guides my faith, but my PERSONAL relationship with the Heavenly Father is what defines it. The folks who stood up to receive ashes, I would think, felt that same personal relationship.

Throughout these 40 days of Lent leading up to Easter Sunday, I am going to try to take a closer look at my relationship with God, and really give 100% to participating in my faith, so that I can ultimately enhance that relationship with Him. And, as I feel this is truly a start to my adult relationship with God, instead of giving up something for Lent, as I used to do, I'm going to follow my Grandmother's example and give back to those in need. Each paycheck during Lent, I'm going to purchase and then donate a box of food to our church's food pantry. I'm also going to spend the Lenten season crocheting an afghan for a needy family.

I encourage all of you, Catholic or any other faith, to maybe spend these days leading up to Easter Sunday, reflecting on Jesus' ULTIMATE sacrifice for us and try to think of what you can do to follow in Jesus' footsteps.

God Bless!
Jessica

Breaking News.... Continued

Check out these 2 videos...


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/23051773#23051773

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/23051533#23051533

So, I guess for now I'll be saying... VOTE MITT ROMNEY 2012!

Breaking News

Hoping its my imagination, but news is coming in that Mitt Romney is dropping out of the race for presidency.

I've lost all hope in the American people.

Expecting McHuckabee to be born soon...a sad day for the republican party.

Kids...

My son is a crazy child! I only wish I wasn't freaking out at the time so I couldve taken a photo of the 4" square he shaved in the middle of his head!

Not Sure What Scares Me Worse!

HillaryCare? Obama's crappy foreign policy? Or a White House that includes McCain as President and Huckabee as Vice President!?

It's really starting to disgust me that there are SO many American's that have not done their research before voting. I'm also starting to realize why more and more young voters are headed toward the democratic candidates. I'm a Repulican. I've said from the very beginning that I haven't watched a lot of the Democratic debates or anything on the TV. Well, the other day I thought I'd watch a few and see what all the fuss was about. Why are young people so drawn to Hillary and Obama? Let me tell you, their platforms sound SO pretty! Heath care for everyone, no more of our beloved troops over seas.... it sounds so nice! What I see happening is that young people are hearing those things and saying, "This is fantastic! I'll vote for them!", instead of saying, "Wow, it sounds great. Now, I'm going to go research how they can make those things possible." To me, those things sound too good to be true, but apparently, the young voters in this country are just going to sit back and take their word for it!

On the subject of pulling our troops out of Iraq, I've said my piece on that before so I'm really not going to repeat a lot of that again. My biggest point....ITS DANGEROUS! Hey! If you'ld rather the terrorists come here again, by all means, just let me know so I have time to leave the country.

Do you young democratic voters know just how much taxes in this country are going to be raised when socialized medicine is put into play? Do you realize how few choices you are going to have regarding your own healthcare? Yes, it sounds great that for once everyone in the country would have heath care. But, what kind of health care? Another issue here is that providing heathcare to everyone, without having to do anything for it, is going to seriously decrease the drive in people to work hard for those jobs that DO provide heathcare to its' employees. Therefore, the number of people on government assistance, like welfare and food stamps, is going to increase. Also, employers wont feel the need to offer insurance anymore, which means those of us who DO pay their own way and bought insurance for our families, are no longer going to have the choices we have now. I LIKE my insurance people! If my choices are taken away from me, I'm going to be extremely angry!

Let's move on to last night's not so SUPER Tuesday results. All the candidates pretty much did well in the states they were expected to win in. I was very disapointed to see that Romney didn't take California. I suppose if we see a McCain/Huckabee ticket and by some miracle, they are able to beat the democrats and by golly, things don't go as these middle of the road Republicans thought they would go, all we can do is sit back and say, " I told you so!"

Just because I have three kids....

So, I turned 27 today. I'm not really feeling my age. In talking to my other friends today, there are very few in my circle that are married and have a child, let alone THREE children. I went to the grocery store yesterday and my children were very well behaved for once and I STILL got dirty looks from people. When I first started noticing that people were staring, I thought maybe they were in awe of the fact that I attempted to go to the store by myself with three kids to begin with. However, when I really started looking, the looks seemed more like, "Oh my GOSH! How DARE she bring three kids to the store!! Can't she get it babysitter!? What if they give me cooties!"

Well, to all of you out there who want me to leave my kids at home when I go somewhere, let me explain something to you. I work outside of the house and come home to three kids every day, so Monday - Friday I don't feel like going out after work, I'm tired! My husband works 60+ hours a week right now. He doesnt get home on weekdays until 10-11pm at night, sometimes later, and then works weekends. Yesterday, for example, was supposed to be his day off but he took overtime and worked from 8am until 10pm. I'm sorry people, but I can't wait until he's off to take my kids to the store...we'd starve to death. What's that? You want me to get a babysitter? Do you people have any idea how much a baby sitter is for an infant, 2 year old and 6 year old?? I pay $10 an hour and thats a good deal! SO, If I want to go to the grocery store, with gas prices the way they are it would go something like this....

Fill the gas tank.... $50.00
Groceries... $150.00
Babysitter for three kids... $10/hr = $30.00

A trip to the grocery store alone because people can't handle the fact that I like taking my kids out.... NOT so priceless! $230!

Have a great day! :-)

HILARIOUS!

Oh my goodness this is GREAT! I saw this on another site and had to show it...hope you enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E76ogTt4kYs